"Getting it"

Friday, July 11, 2008

Today was the first day in at least 2 weeks that I woke up feeling good. I felt rested and excited about what I'm doing. It's a huge relief when these moments of clarity come, especially when the "rut" lasts 2 weeks like this one. I woke up with new ideas, looking forward to working on them. I dunno, I think it was perfect timing. Most of me hates to admit when I'm struggling. I'm still an undergrad, so I feel kinda silly when I am overwhelmed because I know I'm in for a lot worse than what I'm going through now. But really, I can add up the hours in my week (not counting blogging hours...LOL) and easily see why I'm feeling overwhelmed. It's justified. I also know I have it a lot easier than a lot of people. I mean, my biggest problem in life is trying to keep the house clean, the laundry caught up, the tomatoes watered, and the husband happy. Never mind the fact that I HAVE a house, tons of laundry, a garden, and a wonderful husband. A lot of people don't have that. I hear people say sometimes that you shouldn't feel guilty for having more than other people, that your feelings are just as valid even if someone deals with far worse. I don't feel guilty, but these kinds of reality checks help me reinforce a good mood. Meaning, if I'm feeling like crap, it's not going to help me to think about all the starving people in the world. But if I'm feeling good, it can help me feel even better. There is no harm in counting your blessings.

So tomorrow, I'm getting back into. I've had a lot going on, but personal things are calming down so it's go-time. It's a little scary that now I have three projects to think about (and a poster presentation), and it's been freaking me out to think about it with all the other stuff going on. And today was the first day that I was excited about it instead of nauseous. I think having my niece here helped a lot. She is so easy going, fun, and simple. She spent the whole visit finding new ways to sneak up on Tom, inventing new games to play with him, and laughing up a storm. I don't know why, it's not really related to my projects, but I feel relieved now instead of worried.

I know I'm rambling. Basically, I "get it" again, I remember what I'm working toward and what it means and why it's hard, I remember the small piece of the puzzle my work is as part of the big picture, and dammit, I'm getting up tomorrow and doing some writing!


edie said...

I've always thought you handle things so well. It's really cool that you can keep a positive outlook even when you're down.

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