It's OK to be excited...

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Because these are very exciting times. With excitement and progress comes a lot of work for me. If that sounds like a terrible thing for me to say, maybe it is, but even with the MIRACULOUS (nothing short of miraculous) recovery Tom has made, it doesn't necessarily mean it's smooth sailing from here on out, either.

Ugh, I can't even say that without feeling guilty. In the middle of typing that paragraph, I noticed a pink-orange light filtering into the room and looked out the window to see a beautiful sunset. There is still a thick cloud cover that kept me from having to pull down the shades this afternoon, since our window is to the west, but there was just enough break in the cloud cover to give me a gorgeous sunset.

This is the second time in a week this has happened, too. I don't remember what day it was...I think Saturday. My MIL arrived to spend the night, and she asked me what the weather was going to do. I said it was supposed to rain the next day, but I didn't realize why she'd asked until I went outside, and I saw that it looked dark and stormy toward Denton. I drove the 45 minutes home watching the ominous clouds and lightening, wondering if I would get caught in some bad weather, and feeling a little thankful that the atmosphere had finally provided some situationally appropriate weather. A storm. But I didn't get a storm, just some winds and the occassional spurt of fat raindrops that never really broke out into a rain shower.

But I had to go to walmart to get some tasty food to puree for Tom, who could only eat pureed foods at that point. I exited off 35, turned right, and instantly, there was the sun. I can't describe it, and I didn't have a camera, plus it didn't last long, but it looked like this:
http://www.kmrt.org.uk/Images/photos_2006/Aug06/Sun%20Breaking%20Through%20Clouds%20(400).jpg

Could there BE a more obvious metaphor than the sun breaking through the thickest and darkest clouds?? And then to get it TWICE? That's just miraculous.

There is so much to be grateful for, but there are a lot of clouds around that make it hard for me to see the sun. Maybe not HARD to see, I mean, it's obvious. My husband, terrible brain trauma, exceptional emergency care, and MIRACULOUSLY quick progress despite a few discouraging setbacks. I see it. Maybe it's more like it's hard to see the beauty of the sun for the clouds...so many doubts and uncertainties remain, I wish I could go back to that time when I could feel the purest form of happiness just from seeing him open his eyes and tell me he loves me. The everyday specifics and decision making "clouds" some of that up.

Keep us in your thoughts...we're still getting through the storm but the little reminders of the sun make it easier to keep going.

6 comments:

Lady Blachly said...

Nice post. I do think of you both daily. I'm glad Tom has you - he fell in love with you for a reason and undoubtedly because of your beautiful heart, perseverance and ability to survive. Of course we all have those dark moments but it makes the breaking sun so much better when we do. Just like you said. And man alive, what an experience to have under your belt. I do believe you can handle anything now, my dear.

KW said...

It always amazes me when a sudden light pierces our darkness - there's not much more uplifting than that!

You're doing great, BTW. There's always a monotony of sorts at this point, but once he hits rehab you'll be amazed even more at his progress.

Keep chugging, chick... you and Tom are in my thoughts every day.

xoxo

ColtonandJessica said...

Wow! God is amazing. :) I am so happy for you both. The sun& clouds, when I see them like that (which is VERY rare) always seem to remind me that He is there watching over me and it will all be ok. How awesome for you to experience that. :)

Anonymous said...

Oh Amber, I can't say that I know what you are going through because I don't. So I just want you to know that I'm trying to imagine how it is with you and what you are feeling and I don't think you should feel the least bit guilty for wondering about the road ahead. It's a normal worry, that much I know. So hang in there, you're doing a super job and Tom will know that. Love ya, girl. Take care of yourself because if you don't we are all going to have to come to Texas!
Paula

Anonymous said...

Amber, that is great! Positive and happy thoughts go a long way in the recovery process.

--Jenna

Anonymous said...

Hey, Amber! I just want to let you know I am following your posts and Tom's progress and am so happy things are improving. Take care!

visi

 
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